Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
