I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
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Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
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He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
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