Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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