how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
