it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
