I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
