you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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