Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
