You just made me feel so damn special
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
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his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
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Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.