Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(714): View more from California

I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.

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(704): View more from North Carolina

I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.

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(701): View more from North Dakota

That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.

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(406): View more from Montana

he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(651): View more from Minnesota

If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.

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(613): View more from Ontario

How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes

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(706): View more from Georgia

It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me

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(207): View more from Maine

I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.

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