i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
babies were throwing up all over the place
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
39 Memes Anyone Who Cries When They See Their Bank Account Will Relate To
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.