I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.