youre lurking in front of me
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
if only i could text you this smell
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'