I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.