we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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