1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
