Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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