I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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