he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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