Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
We don't watch enough power rangers
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
