Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
