I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
We just shotgunned beers for America
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
When are your genitals available?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
