C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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