Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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