This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
