he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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