Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
