i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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