the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
