Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
