well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
