If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
