dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
