I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
