I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
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