I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
