I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
