Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize