I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
