My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
