How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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