Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
