My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
