Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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