Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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