This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
