wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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