Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
