I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
