the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
