they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
