tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
