I'm gonna have a badass scar
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
we should paint friendship bongs
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
