And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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