No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
