I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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