There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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