my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Randomize
