i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
