Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
