Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Enjoy the penises
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
