Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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