i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
