Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
