What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
People with herpes should wear stickers.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
