they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize