He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
