he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
