I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
