i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
