hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
