Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Randomize
