Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
