when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Randomize
