she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
