So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
