i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
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Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
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You are the jesus of drinking
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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