If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I think people are normalizing furries
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
